Dear Greg Hunt

Dear Greg

Can I call you Greg? I’ve felt on first-name basis with you for some years now, and in my house, we even have cute pet names for you.

I’m not sure why you’ve decided not to go to Warsaw for the annual climate change talks. I know you are busy trying to repeal the carbon tax, and I appreciate that this will entail a lot of work, but Warsaw is quite a nice city, and you probably will need a holiday away from all those nasty greenies. You’d better not be saving your energy for Paris in 2015 – it would look like you were engaging in stereotyping and overlooking a former Eastern Bloc country while still being willing to show up in the City of Light for a wine-swilling junket. Anyway, Poland has quite a lot to offer the discerning tourist, and with this in mind my partner (also called Greg) has put together a bit of an itinerary and some recommendations for you.

Definitely take in the archaeological museum. We didn’t get there on our visit, but I believe there are a lot of fossils. You should enjoy that. Take a walk along the Wisla and contemplate the beauties of nature within a large city. Beavers hang out there sometimes. Remember that guy in the Ukraine who bled to death when a beaver got him on the femoral artery? If you don’t see any beavers and you want some wild-life action, I believe there might be some rabid squirrels in Lazienki Park.

The Palace of Science and Culture might be a nice place to spend an afternoon contemplating…well, science and culture. Seeing as we no longer have a science minister, or much culture for that matter, we’ll leave it up to you. Maybe you can suggest it to Campbell as well.

I know you’re short on time, being a busy man, but the Museum of the Uprising might be a good place to finish up before you fly home. There are a lot of quite colourful illustrations of the kind of things that can happen when the masses get really, really, really pissed off. And that’s always worth contemplating.

Of course, if we still haven’t sold you on Warsaw as a destination, my niece and nephew would be happy to take your place. They can’t really talk coherently yet, and they don’t make a lot of sense, but they’re really good at babbling and flailing about as if they have a meaningful contribution to make, and after all, it is their future that is at stake.

Revolutionarily yours,

The Owl and the Quoll


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